Saturday, January 1, 2011


Welcome to the FAQ's page. I've never made a FAQ page before, so I feel really important suddenly!

Who are you?
I'm Jess. I'm married to Adam. See?


Yeah, we were shocked.

We had a son in December 2007, exactly 9 months after our wedding. His name is Jules. He is awesome. See?


We also have another son, Blair. He was born in June 2010.


Also awesome. He's also magical, because he's our vasectomy reversal baby.

We are a happy family. But you see, we are missing one. And that would be our 2nd son, Joel.


He died. He was perfect. I was 40 weeks pregnant, felt him moving on the way to my midwife appointment...he was dead when we got there. No way to say it nice, he died. We died then, too. At least parts of us did.

What did you do that made it happen?!

Nothing, asshole. But seriously, my pregnancy was perfect. No complications. No issues. No diabetes. No blood pressure...well, I had normal blood pressure. I went to all prenatal appointments. I didn't drink. I didn't do drugs. I didn't fall. I didn't get injured. I didn't do anything. Testing on me after he died showed nothing abnormal, I was healthy as a horse with no issues. He just died. And sadly, that happens. It happens alot more than you think. How much? Try one in EVERY 160 pregnancies. Seriously. Any death at 20 weeks or after is considered a stillbirth. Or as the medical professionals call it "fetal demise." And I had none of the "risk factors" of stillbirth. It can happen to anyone. How do I know? Because it happened to me & I never thought it would.

Do you know what could have happened to Joel?
We have theories. Joel did have a misdiagnosed kidney issue, which could have led to complications. Because he was misdiagnoised, complications weren't watched for.

When your baby dies, what happens?

Easy, you go through labor & delivery! Yes, seriously. Us dead baby moms do not get a pass, we do not get an easier or quicker or more painless delivery. If you'd like to read about my experience with that, as well as everything that goes into what you have to deal with when your baby dies, from healthcare or funeral planning, check this blog post out.

Hey, how do we know this really happened? It's the interwebz, you can't trust them!
Oh, I know you can't trust them. The interwebz are evil, it's where I met my husband! But if it makes you feel better, you can see that I am in fact real by checking out this link, where I was on the news talking about my stillborn son.

Did you have complications with any of your other babies?

Nope, I was a boring pregnant woman every time. My pregnancy with Blair was closely monitored & he was delivered at 38 weeks. Healthy as a horse, furry as a monkey.

Um, did you say something about a vasctomy reversal earlier or have I been drinking too much again?
Oh yes I did, though with this story you may need to drink even more. You see, we'd decided before we were ever married that after we had two kids together, the husband would get snipped. And everyone encouraged us to do it before Joel was born, just to get it out of the way. So just about 4 weeks before he died, Adam got snipped. The day after (yes, the day after), we found out that Joel may have health complications. How's that for luck? But we went into hardcore debt & had it reversed. In September we were told he was still sterile...I got pregnant that weekend. So yeah, Blair is the magical baby. And Dr. Daniel is man of the year.

Are you going to have more babiez?!
The IUD in my uterus says not for 10 years. I say maybe, a few years down the road. My husband says never. We'll see though, won't we?

Where did you come up with this idea of taking a years worth of pictures?
I was laying in bed one night at 4am thinking about Joel, which is something we still do of course. It just dawned on me that it'd be nice to have more keepsake pictures for him. We have a handful that we love, we have a couple hanging in our house with our family pictures, but I thought it'd be nice to have more. And I thought it'd be even more nice to have people from all over take part in this. In a way, it means that 365 people will think of Joel & be part of his life. And that makes my cold, mean heart feel warm & gooey.

How can I be a part of this project? Can I submit more than one picture
Easy! Take a picture! Yes, that easy. Take any picture that relates to Joel's name. It can be something simple or something complex. Then email me the file. You can send them to All pictures will be shared on this blog, a picture a day. Please include any information you'd like....for example, where it was taken or your name. Also, if you'd like me to include any links, please share those as well. To your blog or anything else. And feel free to send as many pictures as you want. Send 5 now, or send 5 over the next year, it doesn't matter. Just send them in!

Can I share this project with my message board/play group/friend/family/anyone who will listen?
Yes, in fact I ask you to please do! My biggest fear is not having enough pictures to go the entire year of 2011, that's the only reason I held off on doing it. I need all the help I can get for this. Facebook it, tweet it, put a sign in your front yard if you really want to. Thank you in advance!

What if you get too many pictures? Are you going to post all pictures? I don't know if mine is any good.

I will keep posting as long as I get pictures, there isn't such a thing as too many. Any effort isn't's fantastic. Just being willing to take a part in this makes you like a bff I don't know. No matter how simple, it will rock my socks. And I'll share it with the world, & smile as I look at it.

You seem awesome, do you have a blog I can read normally?
Of course! You can check me out at my regular blog, Epic Fail.

I have something you didn't ramble about that I want to ask you. How do I go about doing that?
Also simple. Comment here. Or email me at


  1. Love the FAQ! You are so witty and fun to read. I am glad you liked the header. :-)

  2. Hello, Jessica! First of all let me start out by saying I am so sorry for your loss. Joel is a beautiful baby!

    I saw your post on BBC about this project. I will be getting a picture to you soon. I also wanted to let you know I posted on my blog about your project in hopes that more people can help out with your mission.

    Please read my post, and if there's anything you dislike about it, let me know and I can change it!

    Thank you!

  3. I just want to say well said, when our son died we got asked alot of very dumb questions. I love how you layed it all out for everyone to read. Especially the part about how we still have to go through labor, etc...people were amazed when I said that I still had to do everything a normal mom would have to do know the rest :(

  4. I have followed your story from BBC. I have a December 2007 baby and a June 2010 boy as well. I have thought of you and Joel so many times. This porject is a beautiful and brilliant idea.